Hello, Benjamin.
About six months ago I started to experience something of a Mrs. Robinson syndrome.
First it was a twenty-six-year-old-actor-surfer-trapeze-artist from northern california. Our paths crossed while working on a show and at a cast gathering afterwards it suddenly occurred to me that he was flirting with me.
On the drive home with my apparent doppelganger Colin (last night we got yet another--"Wait, are you guys related?"--which makes no sense whatsoever considering he is coursing with Aryan blood) I asked him, "Could blue-eyed surfer boy actually have been hitting on me? I mean does he know how OLD I am?"
Colin said I was being silly.
I don't mean to be obsessed with age. But I value each and every one of my thirty-one years because I recognize that they have each played an important role in making me who I am--for better and indeed for worse. Twenty-six isn't THAT young, but jeez, I'd just moved to DC when I was twenty-six and that was at least a lifetime ago.
Since then I have had a twenty-three year old and a twenty-four year old (who keeps reminding me that he turns tweny-five in March) shower attention on me that so far surpasses what anyone born before 1980 has expressed to me in years--YEARS!--and it makes me think, hmmmm, it's nuts, you know?
Maybe it's not.
I think the older we get the more careful we get. We don't say anything that might be misleading, we don't commit to ANYTHING--even a strong feeling, we look forty-two times before we leap, we seek out the flaws before ever allowing ourselves to be dazzled by the allure, we examine, we disect, we judge, we dismiss, we suppress, we edit, we restrain.
So last night it was a sweet twenty-two year old from Vermont. And I'm sitting there talking to him and thinking about how trusting I was when I was twenty-two. I believed everything I was told in a relationship setting. I wasn't stupid, I wasn't naive, but I was hopeful, optimistic, and trusting.
I can literally trace each bump that took me off course of each of those things...
But the thing is, I don't think you can ever go back. I mean, you can believe again, you can be convinced to trust, you can find faith in someone--all of those things. But the twenty-two year old self just isn't there anymore.
She's driving in her 1990 Eagle Summit somewhere on a back road in Winston-Salem listening to the Indigo Girls on a mix tape made just for her with a window open and tears on her cheeks.
posted by SAS @ 6:38 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Eagle Summit...... Winston Salem..... that does seem like a lifetime ago! Hey...my son is 31 also. His significant other is 39! Do the math. Ages are just numbers. They do not always reflect accurately what is in side the mind or heart.
Although 22 does seem like too few years to have been on this earth and have accumulated enough experience to give one a sense of how character is shaping up. I guess its difficult to judge potential of someone only 22 years of age.
ummm...my phone plays "mrs. robinson" when my BF calls...I've gotten over being weird about it--and when we first started dating, the majority of my friends (and many, many people I'm NOT even friends with) never hesitated to point out that our age difference (a mere 4 years...okay, four and a half) was a BIG problem. One guy who shall remain nameless actually PULLED ME ASIDE and said "HE'S TOO YOUNG FOR YOU."
FUCK THAT.
FUCK IT.
(pant, pant, pant)
What I needed, more than anything, after being broken down and jaded as shit from four years of a shitty relationship, was someone who WAS optimistic and hopeful and trusting, who could remind me that life wasn't all misery and shit and people who aren't worth it.
Three years later, it turns out it was a very good choice.
That's all I have to say about that.
she's only 38. and what a wonderfully disguised post.
stop overthinking.
I know the cliche is that if you are a man who dates a younger woman, no one looks twice, but it isn't true. You get stared at, because people are not quite sure what the hell is going on.
Women date who you want to. Men date who you want to. The problem is when you are dating someone younger and all you think about it all the time. Rule of thumb for me has always been born before the theatrical release of Return of the Jedi. Current love of my life beats that by a year, so I feel fine.
You love who you love. And it helps if you are a 34 year old who acts like you are 24.
To the Poughkeepsie contingency: please friends, let's all get along?
Tracy: "What I needed, more than anything... someone who WAS optimistic and hopeful and trusting, who could remind me that life wasn't all misery and shit and people who aren't worth it." That's a fabulous testimony. You're right. I need that too. Regardless of their age.
JEMP: Point taken. But should this come as a surprise? I miss you.
dcepticon: Your lady is great. You are too.
I think it's person specific - if the person thinks that it's a problem to date outside their age, then it WILL be a problem to date outside their age.
For myself, I dated someone 7 years older last year, and it was a real learning experience. The actual numerical age doesn't matter so much - but if one party has a bevy of life experience and the other doesn't, that's an imbalance. It seems to me that the older both of you get, the less it matters, because each year is a smaller fraction of your life.
I say go for it. get em while they're young and naive.
This comment has been removed by the author.
You're definitely not overthinking. You're being reasonable and smart.
Post a Comment
<< Home