Wherever I Go I Know He Goes
We opened on Saturday. I love this show. I started feeling extremely protective of it mid-week, which is a silly way to feel about a show. We do theater so that we can share it. And there I was wrapping my arms around this one like it was a beautiful precocious child that needed to be sheltered from a world full of people that might not "get" it.
Let it be. Let it go. Let it climb on jungle gyms and eat candy from Wal-Mart and watch bad television and such.
What a strange week. Strange feelings, strange emotional shifts, strange conversations.
I had a chat today with my best friend from childhood, who is considering having her second child (her first has been featured here on occasion). She's taking a sort of poll--"Are you better off for having had a sibling/being an only child?"
I think it's a tricky way to go about this. It's like when people ask me "So what's it like to have a twin?" I get this all the time. I'm sure all twins do.
Thing is, I have no idea what it's like not to be a twin. Right? Because that's all I've ever known.
I imagine it is difficult for any of us to separate ourselves from our sibling situation.
I mean, the quick response is--I love having a brother my age. We had our rough patches, sure, but only a few of them involved bodily harm. I fact, I can't entirely separate my existence and identity from my twin. For many years this was a bad thing, now I think it is a complex and distinctive thing. Having a brother helped me to define my views on gender distinctions. Which was, from a pretty young age, that there shouldn't be gender distinctions--or at least not limitations. At seven this wasn't a political stand it was simply the belief that if my brother could do something there was no good reason why I couldn't try it too. It worked both ways.
This degree of gender neutrality has been both a blessing and a curse. But I can't imagine who I would be had I'd been on my own.
T is worried that her child S will resent having to share things. Will wonder someday why she wasn't enough for her parents all on her own. But I think having to share things makes someone a more interesting little person. It helps one navigate the world. Small ones who get everything they want from everyone they want it from run the risk of being a bit insufferable. And I've never known anyone to wonder whether their parents had a second child simply because they weren't child enough on their own.
Anyone got thoughts on this out there? Content only children? Resentful siblings? Parental units? I'd love to hear...
posted by SAS @ 4:58 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
My little brother and I don't speak anymore (at least since June), and one of the most generous ppl I know was an only.
My sibling relationship was chaotic and full of unrealistic expectations and jealousy.
It's all up to the parents I think.
But, as I'll be starting a family rather late in life, I have worried about the same things.
I am a semi-only child. I have two older half brothers (9 & 8 yrs, approx) who did not live with us. I saw them a few times a year--but I thought about them all the time. I felt like I had siblings, but they weren't part of my daily life.
If I could have had my wish, I would have had my brothers live with us and a sister close to my age. My best childhood friend and I often fantasized that we were sisters.
I guess that puts me in the "pro" sibling camp but I don't think it really makes that much difference. Though maybe I'd be a little more flexible if I'd had to share things with a sibling.
i heart my brother very much.
I hope this doesn't get me in trouble, but the idea of not having a child because then they would have to share is just odd. Life is sharing. We have to share this planet, why would we want to somehow eliminate that from the our life experience. More importantly, it is an attitude that endorses the idea that the child will never have to share with her parents. Children are people, parents are people, and all their lives have equal importance. Sharing is something that should go on regardless of whether or not she is an only child.
well, I'm the youngest of two - I have one older sister who is a year and a half older. And things have been rough in the past - we used to fight like tigers; she's the rebellious one, i'm the peacemaker, and we both know so much about each other that when an argument starts, it's like every possible weapon gets pulled out... Parents shape the way you form relationships, and a lot of my personality was shaped by my relationship with my older sister.
But I agree - you can't choose. I have a friend who's an only child who a) finds her parents' love and freak-outs a bit stifling but b) benefits from their financial support and had an early ability to communicate with 'grown ups' that most of us took years longer to develop.
The only thing I know for certain is that other people's problems seem easier. I find myself wishing I had a different set of difficulties, a different pack of dysfunction. Grass is greener. eh.
my sister continues to have loud sex in the next room during the week even though i've told her i hate hearing her moan at 3 AM. so i'm a little off the whole sister thing.
I was an only. To a great extent it made me who I am. All the possibilities shape one's character.... only or siblings, big family or small family. Add parents to the mix. Some generalizations are legit. But anybody can have great children with great relaionships or screwed up kids (siblings or not). I'm amazed how many variations I have seen over the years.
Is T an only? I wonder if her thoughts about her child/children are based on her experiences as an only/sibling. Ya think?
I am the youngest of 5, and there is 12 years between me and the oldest. We now range from 45 to 57. I can't imagine being without by brothers and sisters, especially now that we’ve gotten older. And, I don’t think any of us ever felt that we weren’t enough for mom and dad. If anything, we are all convinced that we were the favorite.
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