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I'm feeling a little bit of a let down. Like coming home from summer camp.

When I was in junior high I spent two weeks for two summers in a row at Camp Stella Maris, a Catholic camp (I know, who knew) on one of the Finger Lakes. I was not one of those superstar campers who everyone knew and loved, in fact I was (especially the first year) a little bit socially awkward and slow to make friends. But midway through the first week I found a soulmate in Jen, who lived in the cool part of downtown Rochester and taught me all about where to shop for funky earrings and little chinese slippers on Monroe Avenue. We were both a little bit darker in spirit than the wealthy preppy eastside suburban campers, and I so admired Jen's city-girl ways.

Those two weeks of independence taught me a lot. I was introduced to Peter Gabriel (the music, not the man). I learned how to make stained glass. I tried wind-surfing. I shaved my legs for the first time with one of Jen's pink razors.

But the two weeks would wind down and inevitably the last night would arrive and while I looked forward to going home and seeing family and friends again and sleeping in my own bed and taking showers that were actually hot, there was always a deep sense of quiet sadness in saying goodbye, not only to the friends I'd made there, but to the person who I'd been given the chance to become - a person defined completely by my actions for those two weeks and those two weeks alone. I had no history. I'd been given a clean slate.

I felt something of that sensation leaving Louisville. Yes, I had a few friends there to start with, one of whom I've known for a good nine years or so, so that's history. But it still felt like something of a clean slate. Here's my work. Here are my thoughts. Here's who I am. That's it.

And the simplicity of it all. Living out of a suitcase so no overwhelming collection of 'stuff' to deal with day in and out. Maybe three restaurants to choose from for lunch and dinners. An easy walk from home to rehearsal to home to gym to the Border's. A bus ride now and then.

Simple.

If there was a way to bring that simplicity home with me. More than anything I think it would require me to be in a position where I didn't have to do anything but theater work. I think dropping the day jobs would allow for a sense of focus and centeredness that was so within reach while I was away.

But it's wishful thinking. I'm not in a position to do that right now. So, the struggle is to find that sense of focus and drive while doing the things I need to do to keep paying the rent. And perhaps finding other aspects of my life that I can simplify.