Genetically Programmed

I just spilled my entire untouched Americano at Murky Coffee.

It poured in the direction AWAY from my laptop, rather than TOWARDS it. I soaked the stacks of expresso cups, but the computer is okay. I am still afraid to breathe after that one.

I love Murky, but people don't pay attention to personal space here.

Okay so, finally, some thoughts about FAT PIG.

First, I did think the friends I had in it (the two women) were wonderful, really great work from both of them. And overall, I had a few qualms with some of the directorial choices (it was so *slick*) but I will say that, regardless, the last scene's pay-off makes it well worth the ride.

And art aside, the points that it forces you to think about are interesting and worth some examination. There were a couple of moments/ideas that I found particularly striking (I tried to explain this to friends while drinking non-irish beer on St. Patty's at Tunni's, but did a rather shoddy job at it - oh, yeah some possible spoilers here if you are waiting to see the show...):

So - the two lead characters have been dating for what seems to be a substantial amount of time. We don't know exactly how long. But they have talked about staying in the same city to be with each other (which I assumed was NY, until they kept talking about a job "the next town over" - what, Westchester?), he has a photo of her in his wallet (which also struck me as a bit odd - who carries a photo in their wallet of anyone but children and nieces?), and all of his friends know about her existence, even if they haven't met her. Point being though - they are pretty invested. And yeah, both pretty much in love. But things remain tense because there is this part of him that cannot love her in public because of societal expectations.

And so she offers to get "an operation or stapled or something" (my paraphrase).

Wow. Somehow hearing someone offer that - "I will physically, painfully, intrusively do this thing to change myself in order to keep you" was really, well, hard and effective and moving and kind of devastating.

Sure, we all - directly or passive aggressively - ask people to change for us. And in turn, we try to change for others, I try to be more on time. I try, I don't necessarily succeed, but I try. I try to be less "reactive" (unless absolutely called for, okay?)

But the idea of trying to be different physically - saying to someone - "If you will love me with a different nose then by god, I'll get that different nose" - wouldn't it forever change the balance? To, quite literally, recreate yourself to earn someone's love, how can you not end up resenting that?

So the other thing that landed was this idea that we all exist in a certain strata of attractiveness and shouldn't try to break rank. You know - the guy's friend, who is kind of a jerk, but speaks pretty honestly - suggests that this is the case. The guy is dating down, look-wise, and he sees it as like a major evolutionary break. Lizards don't date turtles, monkeys don't date zebras, athletic men do not date fat girls.

And you hear this, and you hate it, but you know you've thought the same thing.

It's not a hard fast rule - I mean, models date ugly rock stars, stunning actresses date Woody Allen, but really - how often does it work the other way?

That night I interrupted my cousin's girl's night and they were watching the episode of Sex and the City where, after finally converting fully to Judaism, Harry breaks up with Charlotte. She's pissed because he is not taking Shabbat seriously and she turns to him and says something along the lines of, "Do you know all that I've given up for you? Do you know how much it confuses people when they see us walking down the street together?" (again, my paraphrase).

Ow.

Of course, it is TV-land, so everything eventually works out for them, and Harry is actually a total hottie (I saw him in Starbucks last time I was in NY) but this all raises an interesting and potentially devastating question.

Are we gentically prgrammed to know our rank and to date withing those guidelines? And if that is the case, what might we be missing by living by those rules?

It's an ugly and disheartening idea.

Anyhow, I had a really wonderful weekend seeing old friends (and some new ones). And I got stuff done, and things are good, and in several hours I head back to the bluegrass state.