Their Lives, I Listen
My ipod has been fickle lately. It will suddenly shut off, show the little ipod sad face, I schedule an appointment to go to the genius bar, and literally on my way to the Apple Store it turns back on and behaves as if everything was totally normal.
My ipod is a tease.
It's in a good spell right now so I've been catching up with podcasts.
I think I've written here before of my love for This American Life. But it bears repeating. I love the show. It gives me faith in humanity and life and the power of story-telling and words.
I just listened to the Valentine's Day episode. While it's not the most moving episode ever (for me, the McCreary's story from the Babysitting Episode) or the funniest, laugh-out-loud (perhaps the weight-lifting snowman?)--it is a good one. There's a gutsy story told by a high school student about her first lesbian crush that actually pulls off the use of Evanescence underscoring. And David Sedaris' Squirrel and Chipmunk forbidden love story is funny and poignant in a Sedaris sort of way. The game show episode with the winner from the Irish Who Wants to be a Millionaire is also pretty wonderful. Yeah, they're all good. Just listen to it, okay?
Also All Songs Considered. John Waters guest dj'd the V-Day show and it is great fun.
They played Tina Turner singing the shit out of an Etta James song: "All I Could Do Was Cry".
You can almost hear her vocal chords threatening to call a strike. It is wonderfully pitiful and self-hating, as are several of the songs they featured (these are not "happy" love songs). It made me appreciate the days before self-help and Doctor Phil when there was an opportunity to wallow in one's misery without feeling guilty or self-indulgent for doing so.
Wallow and then wail about it.
posted by SAS @ 6:02 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Don't knock self-help. Self-help is exactly what is sounds like. People helping themselves rather than waiting for someone to come along and save them. While a lot of it is crap, they are attempting, at least, to take some responsibility for their lives. Which, if more people did, the world would be a better place. This general notion that people who go in for self-help are weak or whatever is BS. It takes more strength to try and make a change than it does to badmouth it. And a great deal of people who knock it are probably in denial about something, or afraid to face their own problems or shortcomings. Everyone's entitled to their feelings, and everyone's entitled to indulge them. But wallow? I don't Ms. Turner was ever one to wallow. Not with what she's overcome.
You've totally misinterpreted my post. I never said Tina Turner wallowed. I said that the Etta James song she sang was about a woman wallowing. There's a difference. And I do hate self-help books and I will continue to say so. I hate the way they are structured, I hate that they all use bullet points, I hate that they contain writing of little substance and ideas that have all been regurgitated. I am a firm believer in therapy and a complete skeptic about self-help. I also worked for a guy who wrote self-help books and I'd ghost write portions of each chapter, which is wrong on many levels since I neither a great writer nor someone equipped to give advice about life, and probably was even less qualified when I was twenty-five.
Well, I suppose because the person who you worked for used a 25 year- old ghostwriter who has no business giving advice, etc., means all people who write self-help books use ghostwriters who aren't qualified. Reason enough to dismiss it all, I suppose. And yes, I'm sure your right, they all use bullet points. Every single one of them. Yes, yes, that is horrible. It's a terrible way to impart information. Really, something should be done about that. And you're right, also, none of them have anything new to say. Not a single one of then contains a novel idea or orignal thought. And yes, they "substance" of the writing or literary quality is lacking, especially since that's what they aspire to be. Literature.
What else can we generalize?
Anon -
Please point me in the direction of this original, non bullet pointed, well written masterpiece of a self help book. I am all a-twitter to read it.
Yes. I hate bullet points almost as much as I hate emoticons. Letters are okay.
And you know what?
a. I'm tired
b. It's hard to take anonymous comments to heart.
c. This is my blog
d. I am painfully diplomatic in every other area of my life
e. I can say I don't like self-help, the idea of self-help, or the abundance of self-help that clutters our world without backing down from it. I can. So there. Seriously, can't I just be judgmental about this one thing?
You know what else I hate? Your/you're substitutions.
Proof read, anonymous.
I also hate The DaVinci Code, Shakespeare done with accents, seeing people feed their children McDonald's, shows that are lit with flashlights, people who don't move to the center of the car on the metro, Maryland drivers, and the smell of patchouli.
But I hate self-help most of all.
I apologize if I sullied your blog with a type-o. I didn't know there were spelling and grammar tests involved. I have my "Elements of Style" book here in hopes that I use sentence structures that are more to your liking.
You can hate and be judgemental of self-help books if you like. That's your choice and your right. But it's part of a much lager problem and here's why you shouldn't judge it:
By passing judgement and saying that all self-help is poorly written crap full of regurgitated, unoriginal ideas that have no redeeming value, you are also passing judgement on the millions of people who buy these books without any idea, understanding of, or compassion for the events and circumtances in their lives that might have led them to go to a bookstore or go online and purchase one of these books. Are they stupid? Misguided? Lost? A bunch of suckers? And are you somehow superior because you know better and are too smart for them and they don't quite reach your reading level? And does it make you feel better that this is so?
I agree that therapy is an infinitely better alternative to self-help. But as far as therapy goes, what therapist have you been to who hasn't told you something that in one form or another they haven't told dozens of other clients or that hasn't been gleaned from some book or class or mentor? It might seem brilliant or extremely insightful to you because they're saying it in the moment and directly to you. I agree therapy is better because it is individualized, but do you think that the problems or issues that you or anybody else brings in to a therapist are all that different from the majority of patients that therapist treats? Especially when most therapist specialize in certain areas? What's more, studies show that while talk-therapy is helpful and can help you resolves some things and feel better, if it doesn't address specific behavioral issues and defective or self-defeating thought processes then you're just going to end up back in therapy because the roots of the problems haven't been addressed.
But here's the real issue: The problem with therapy is that there are lots of people in this country who live in areas where it's not accessible. And there are millions more who don't have health insurance and can't afford therapy. And millions more still that have insurance but their plans only cover a handful of visits or don't cover it at all and can't afford it. And while there are low-cost clinics provided by universities and local goverments not a lot of people know about them. But even so, they are overrun, understaffed and underfunded. It is a tremendously huge issue. Self-help fills the void. Why do you think it's as big as it is? Because it's a fad? Because it's all the rage? Because Oprah is into it? The reason why there are so many of these book that sell millions and millions of copies is because there is a huge market for it. There is a huge need for it. Are self-help books the best answer? No. Do they help a lot of people at least to some small degree? Yes. Is it better than nothing? Yes. Mental health care is one of the biggest issues facing this country. Our society with it's soaring divorce rates and broken families, the constant bombardment of information, sexualization of pre-teen girls, unattainable ideals, the ever increasing pace of life, and just about everything else, takes an ever increasing toll on our psyche. There's a huge fallout and it will probably only get worse.
There are a number of hucksters out there who write these books in hopes of making a buck off those who are vulnerable and less fortunate. But most of them are written by therapists with years of experience, a myriad of degrees and successful private practices through which they have helped a lot of people. They've found something that seems to work well with the patients they see. It might not be all that earth shattering or different from the next therapist but it works. So they decide to write a book in an effort to maybe reach and help more people. It's not as good as being in the same room with them, but not everyone can get an appointment.
The other misconception you seem to have is that somehow intelligence and education play some sort of role in all this. They don't. Say there is a very successful professor of literature at a prestigious univerity. She's tenured, well-respected, published. Say her father passed away suddenly from a heart attack. And months have gone by and she's depressed and having a difficult time coping and she's become depressed. Let's say she even goes to therapy. But one day she's in Barnes & Noble and she sees a book about coping with the loss of a parent and she buys it on impulse. Maybe this book doesn't tell her anything she doesn't know or hasn't heard. But maybe there are stories of other people who have dealt with the same problem and maybe she's comforted by that. And maybe there's one small thing in there that helped her think about something in a slightly different light and maybe she brought it into her therapist and from there she was able to come to some sort of resolution. Is she stupid? Is she not as smart as you? Is she weak or a sucker? Did she waste fifteen dollars on a book? Smarter people than you write a lot of these books and a lot of people smarter than you read them and get some benefit out of them. Intelligence and education have nothing to do with any of it. The smartest people lose loved ones to illnesses. The smartest people have relationship problems. The smartest people have intimacy issues. The smartest people have behavioral problems. The smartest people get depressed or suffer from bipolar disorder or worse. These things are non-discriminatory. Rich, poor, black white, smart, dumb. It doesn't matter. They are part of life. They are things that can and do affect everyone.
Therefore, these books are written by therapists (usually) in such a way that just about anyone can understand them. Too simple for your taste? Prefer more of a literary challenge or written just for you? Fine. But they are not targeting just the uber-intelligent, well-educated, ultra-neurotic city dweller. They're written for anyone and everyone. They're non-discriminatory like that. They are not attempting to be scholarly. You want scholarly? Read a periodical like Psychology Today or go to the NIMH's website -- where truly you will be educated.
Additionally, if you're really depressed or really struggling with something and hurting and not operating at optimum power, the last thing you need is something that's difficult to read. You need something simple and basic. That lays it out simply and comes from a somewhat compassionate and understanding voice. Something that gives you tools and things that you can do. You need to be reminded that you're not the only one who's going through what you're going through. Because sometimes we all struggle with the most basic of things. There is no overreaching theory or brilliant concept that's going to solve any of these problems. You're not going to get that. The way to recover or overcome most of these things is to break it down to the simplest of elements, take baby steps and one day at a time and with a whole lot of patience.
There are so many misperceptions and myths out there aleady in regards to mental health and various treatments. And when they are overcome perhaps there will be adequate care for everyone who needs it and people will go out and seek it without feeling shameful about it and we won't need self-help books anymore. I actually think self-help books are reducing a lot of the stigma that surround seeking mental health case or even just asking for or seeking help in the first place. It's not an easy thing to do. People at least are beginning to realize that there are options out there, instead of continuing to suffer or be unhappy needlessly. The real culprit for most of it is depression. It's a massive problem. Millions of people go around and they don't even realize they're depressed. They just know they're not they're not happy, or satisfied often pessimistic or hopeless. So then they go off and have an affiar to make them feel better and destroy their family, or they go off and get drunk one night and on their way home they get into an accident and kill someone. No self-help book will cure depression. But say you're depressed and you buy a book, instead of doing something stupid, and you read it and it spurs you to actually go to a therapist. And maybe your therapist recommends medication and maybe you really get on the right track.
While there isn't proper mental health care in this country, if even just one self-help book helps one person keep from going off and doing something stupid or killing themselves, or even if they just provide a modicum of comfort then I say long live self-help books.
You don't have to like them. You don't have to read them. You can think you're too smart for them. But maybe you're too smart for your own good. Just don't knock them.
Geeze Louise. Somebody's wound up.
oh, Citymouse.
I forsee some problems in our burgeoning friendship. Not only AM i a maryland driver, but I enjoy the use of flashlights in performance (if only for short plays and sketches), and while I choose not to wear patchouli on myself, I enjoy smelling it on passers-by.
I might have to curtail our relations.
And I would write you an elaborate thousand-word manifesto about it, but my carpal tunnel is acting up.
oh, way to go, SAS. way. to. go. look what you've done now. have you no soul?
holy crap. anon is hiLArious, if unintentionally so.
thank you for hating The Da Vinci Code. i hate it so much i neither read the book nor saw the film. i simply pre-judged it and left it at that.
sorry i was a doody-eared dipshit. i really wanted to see the show and am SO happy for you that you are doing such consistently cool and rewarding work. more more more!
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