Short Fucking Skirt
This is one of those posts I probably should not write. But I'm going to throw it out there. I'm not sure if it will stay.
I had an experience last night that is still bothering me a little bit.
I went to see the opening of EQUUS. Thanks to those who got me tickets and congrats to all involved for very committed and specific work. Good to see LS back from up north, and theaterboy, and to chat a bit over mounds of boiled shrimp.
But that's not what this is about.
Last night I happened to be wearing a skirt. A skirt that was, yeah, a little on the short side. I didn't really think about whether or not it was appropriate in a "professional" setting (whatever the hell that means). I like the skirt. It was really warm out. I wanted to appreciate the final dregs of nice weather with bare legs and sandals. It wasn't ridiculously short. I mean, it was still me.
The set up of the theater for the show has the first row of seats on the floor. Interspersed amongst audience chairs are actor chairs, so if you sit in the front row you are literally something of a silent scene partner during a few moments in the play. The lovely Ms Lawton and I waited a bit too long to get into the theater so we ended up in that first row, despite fair warning from dear Adrienne about what exactly that would mean.
I did have a flicker of a thought: if I knew I was going to be beneath stage lighting tonight I probably would have worn a longer skirt.
Or at least painted my toenails.
Anyway, we watch the show, I don't worry about it, I enjoy the performances. And I figure - at least I'm not sitting in the first row and nodding off like the woman in red across the theater from me (not a reflection on the intensity or engaging nature of the show).
We head out to the reception afterwards and I head for the sushi.
In a bit, I am introduced to one of the actors, an actor I've never met, an actor who has no idea that I am a member of this theater community. He starts talking about my skirt. About how he noticed the skirt during the show. About how the skirt was distracting - in the first row.
Yeah.
So I'm mortified but also amazed that this guy keeps going on. Pushing it further. I sort of chuckle and say, "Some day you are going to come in and audition for me and you are going to regret saying these things." But he goes on. He continues to make inappropriate comments under the guise of "I'm just kidding! I'm just an inappropriate guy, everybody knows I say what I think!"
I will allow that he thought he was "just joking" with me. Except - and this is key - it's hard to assume that intimacy with me when I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.
I will assume that he was trying to flatter me.
But fuck that.
Because suddenly I am extremely self-conscious. I am wondering if I jeopardized my sense of professionalism by wearing a short skirt. How can I expect to be taken seriously if I show up at an opening in a short skirt? Further - I question - have I been "asking for this" because I am, indeed, friendly and flirtatious with my male friends?
But wasn't that one of the tenants of third wave feminism? Recognizing my right to be a feminine feminist? Reclaiming my desire to look like a female without that implying that I should not be taken seriously? Not having to dress like a man - boxy suits, clunky shoes, all the neutering options worn by generations that preceded us - in order to be listened to? Not having to swath myself in extra weight or extra clothes or to starve myself so that my hips and breasts and curves fall away and I can reach some sort of asexuality?
Because god knows, I've tried all those other options. I don't want to do it anymore.
It all made me think of Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues, and the piece MY SHORT SKIRT. I saw Calista Flockhart perform it when they did a celebrity studded version in Madison Square Garden several years ago.
It was written by Chi-Chi Nwaizu.
My short skirt
is not an invitation
a provocation
an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.
...
My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.
My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.
My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or undecided
or a malleable little girl.
My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it
or tone it down.
Get used to it.
...
My short skirt
is turquoise water
with swimming colored fish
a summer festival
in the starry dark
a bird calling
a train arriving in a foreign town
my short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is
initiation
appreciation
excitation.
But mainly my short skirt
and everything under it
is Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
Yeah, so, that's my little diatribe for today.
Now read this doozy and think about all of those people who say that we as women have "arrived". Wonder how many other sick fucks are out there doing this to their daughters within our own borders?
posted by SAS @ 12:50 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
It all made me think of Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues, and the piece MY SHORT SKIRT. I saw Calista Flockhart perform it when they did a celebrity studded version in Madison Square Garden several years ago.
I was going to post that you should read this monologue...until you mentioned it yourself further down. It is empowering.
Whether or not you take this post down, I agree with it wholeheartedly. I wore a shortish skirt and crazy tights to see owen meany one night, and I sat in the front row, and an actor or two commented how obvious I was afterwards.
it's stupid to have to waffle between feeling liberated and powerful and feeling paranoid and slightly ashamed.
"My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside."
love that - I did the Vagina Monologues in college. Good times.
i just wrote a whole bunch of incredibly inappropriate things and deleted them. dude needs to fuck the fuck off.
or something. at least there was shrimp.
Oh shit. I am sorry, but I wish I could have seen this conversation in person, because it is hi-larious. I cannot remember ever seeing you in anything inappropriate.
As MB put it so mildly he needs to fuck off.
Are you around this weekend? I am going to wear my shortest damn skirt... oh yes I am.
I'm wearing a short skirt today.
Citymouse-
Your story has got me streaming… aside from the skirt angle, this fella has got me so mad. When did a major personality flaw become an excuse (and a source of immunity) as opposed to an explanation that precedes a sincere apology. As an advocate of tolerating individual differences of all kinds, this type of thing makes me wonder if we’ve gone too far. Has tolerance (“Oh that’s just Joe, he’s inappropriate”) facilitated such uncivil behavior? Or have we not gone far enough? Should we start tolerating those of us who respond to such behavior with violence? Perhaps the appropriate response would have been a rabbit punch to the privates, following by a “ask anyone, I’m citymouse, and I punch balls”
I can appreciate that you have talents beyond your artistic prowress, but that conversation is way beyond anything in polite society.
Ick.
Can't you be hawt and smart? Do people fall over themselves to go on about your latest intellectual/artistic successes? They should!
I don't get it. Why does this get you this upset? I think I'll wear a short skirt, sit in the front row when I go to the theatre and see what happens. I really never thought about this (smile). In a way I find it rather charming this man was distracted.
GS and Gwen - yeah, I hadn't thought about the V-monologues in a while. If nothing else - at least that good came out of it.
MB - Innapropriate rocks.
HP - Your skirt rocks.
JD - You rock. Where are you now? I miss you.
Playfull - Yeah, the beyond the limits of polite society is an apt description. I didn't even mention the part where he asked me about my undergarments. Yeah.
Anonymous - see above. He pushed it too far. We were in a professional as well as social setting, we work in the same community, he wouldn't back off when I was clearly uncomfortable. Sucks for him, more than for me, because I would probably never hire him after that. For a couple of reasons: 1. that I would wonder how he behaves around women that he's cast with and 2. any actor that is so easily distractable is something of a liability.
SAS,
I understand. I wasn't too sure if he was just shucking and jiving fun-like or being totally awkward in just giving a compliment and maybe wanting to ask you out. Some guys are just total mess ups on initial contact, you know.
I'm glad to see you see it sucks for him. For awhile I was concerned that maybe you were blaming yourself, and I saw no reason for that. Peace out. Keep wearing your short skirt, sistah, girl!!
i am in a production of vagina monologues this year at my university, and am actually directing the piece "my short skirt." what really gets me about this piece, and all the issues connected with it, is the underlying assumption that if a woman does choose to wear clothing considered "provocative" by society, people, men AND women, will assume she's a whore, and men will assume that she will welcome the male attention- as this man obviously did. we live in such a shallow, double-standard society when it's actually ok to leap to giant personality conclusions regarding a person based solely on what they are wearing. and then if a woman actually is sexually harrassed/assaulted while wearing a short skirt, somehow people seem to think, "well, in a way she was asking for it, she should have known when she wore it that this might happen."
well screw that incredibly tweisted piece of non-logic, it's around 10 degrees fareinheit where i am, and i think i might wear a short skirt tomorrow, ANYWAY, just because i can, and i should be able to without judgement from ignorant people.
also, on a happier note, i really love this monologue, i'm really happy to be directing it this year, and i will be thinking of you people- who, admittedly, i don't actually know, lol- tomorrow during rehearsal with the actress performing it, WHILE i wear my short skirt!
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