All You Can Eat

I hate writing about food but it's better than writing about theater right now.

So I just got back from the gym where I discovered I had gained two pounds in two days.

Let me tell you all about tech week(end).

Saturday started with a meeting with my lighting designer. I suggested we meet at Bagels and Baguettes because he wanted to get breakfast and I haven't been there in a long time. They have the best egg sandwiches in DC. I figure I can use the protein to get through what is bound to be a stressful day, so I get one with yellow cheese and ketchup and hot sauce. I don't think about my resolution not to eat eggs unless I know that the chickens popping them out weren't kept in tiny cages with welded off beaks. No room for liberal guilt when it's tech weekend.

When I arrive at the theater I notice that the associate artistic director has brought donuts. How nice! I think. What a show of support! In fact, it looks like several people have brought donuts, as there are several different "brands" of donuts, as it were.

I walk around and tell everyone that I never really liked donuts. People are busy doing important things, and I tell them that no, really, I never liked donuts, even when I was a kid. Unless they are fresh beignets from like, f & b or something.

I go backstage and come back with half a jelly donut. I figure this will show my appreciation for the theater's show of support. Everyone looks at me funny. They thought I didn't like donuts. But I'm the director. I don't have to explain myself.

After we begin I get some news that makes me mad (it has nothing to do with anyone actually involved in this production). I circle around the theater and yell fu*k a lot. I calm down then do it again. Then I'm okay but drained. I go to the little corner store on H Street to get a Vitamin water to replace electrolytes. I think about what life must be like for the little woman in the bullet-proof plastic box.

I also buy Mike & Ikes to "keep my sugar levels up".

Around 2pm I decide to eat another half of a pink frosted donut. I call it lunch.

At four the artistic director brings Al's pizza in so that we can have a "working dinner". I think for a moment, oh we should have gotten a salad too, for some greens. I eat two large pieces of cheese pizza. People ask me questions. I nod yes or know . I eat another piece of cheese pizza.

At 11 the actors go home. At midnight we all leave. At Tunnicliff's I drink a vodka tonic, or... two. I order french fries. I put lots of ketchup on them.

Sunday I vow to be better.

I eat a power bar on my way to the theater and get a fruit salad and Vitamin water for "later" at the Safeway. At the theater I see that the associate artistic director has brought bagels this time. Nothing like Day 2 of tech to carbo load.

We begin. First break I get half an everything bagel. Second break I get half a raisin bagel, so that I don't smell like garlic when I whisper things into the set designer's ear. That would be rude, right?

I eat my fruit salad and vitamin water. I eat some trail mix back stage. I eat a chocolate marshmallow egg.

We take an early "dinner", and I head with the artistic director over to the Argonaut, one of the newest fixtures on H Street. Because he is the artistic director and he is having a jack and coke, I order a beer. I also have one of the best veggie burgers I've ever had. With Swiss cheese. And sweet potato fries.

Comfort food is good during tech week(end.)

We go back to the theater and make an announcement that makes pretty much everyone's life more difficult. I give a pep talk. In solidarity, the set designer offers me a piece of his very dark chocolate. I accept, even though chocolate never makes me feel good, and can at least be comforted by the thought of all the antioxidants I am consuming.

We finish at 11pm. The actors go home and designers pow wow. After that I look at slides with the associate artistic director and eat twizzlers that I stole from my stage manager.

Finally I head to Tunni's. I have a vodka tonic but no french fries. Because it is Sunday and I am trying to be better.

When I get home I eat my last two marshmellow peeps.

Lucky for all of us, tech only lasts two days.