Gratis

I am back safe and sound in the greater DC area. Exhausted, but alive and well.

I turned in early enough last night after my traditional last minute packing, like 1:00 am, thinking, well, the alarm is set for 4:45 am, that kind of sucks, but at least I'll get through one cycle of REM (that's like 4 hours, right?) and I can always sleep on the plane or on the ridiculously long layover (three hours) I have in Charlotte, NC.

What actually happened is my body went into panic mode imagining what would happen if I didn't wake up to my alarm and thus, I didn't sleep at all. I love when that happens.

The cab driver was ten minutes early, so we headed off to the airport by, yes, 5:25 am. Right, so, that's unusual for me. Five in the morning. Not so good. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored walls of the elevator and not only did I not look like I was awake, I actually did not look like I was alive.

But then my day of free stuff started. Which is great. I hesitate to admit that I really like free stuff, because, well, you know - cultural stereotypes and all that - but I do! I do!

First we get to the airport and I realize that what I thought was a discount cab voucher from the theater is actually a free ride. Which makes sense but what do I know. And then I go to the US Airways counter to check my bag. Now, I am never noticeably early for anything. I have tried to figure out why this is, like from a psychological standpoint - I think I hate waiting for things or people so to counteract that I try to be as close to on the dot for everything, always - it's a problem, I know, but that's beside the point. Anyhow, this morning I arrive for a 7:30am flight at 5:45am. Yeah, right, I'll never do that again. But then - good news - the guy at the counter looks at my ticket and says, "Why don't I switch you to the direct flight going out at 6:30am?"

Right. Why don't you do that midwestern god among men?

He walks away and I ask the other woman at the counter what that will cost. Probably $25 she tells me, which I think is worth saving five hours of travel time.

And the man comes back and he smiles at me and he has done it for free. I, walking embodiment of the living dead, smile and thank him and suddenly I love the heartland of America.

I head to my gate without event and see our playwright waiting for her flight to NY.

Hello playwright! Hello citymouse! See you at the special weekend later in the month! Yes, safe travels!

I board my tiny little "Air Wisconsin" plane, which is only about half full, and only by real commuter pro business folks, so I get two seats to myself and think I'll sleep now.

But for some reason I can't sleep. I boast of my ability to sleep under pretty much any circumstance, and now, I can't sleep.

Which I try not to worry about. I zone out, we make it to National, I have to think about what way I want to go on the metro, I zone some more, and I make it home by 8:30 am. My cousin hasn't even left for work.

And then I crash hard. My own bed is a wondrous sight. I half unpack and then sleep the sleep of the dead for about three hours (don't worry, more free stuff is coming).

I then head up to the law firm day job because I said I would and suddenly I am starving. So I swing by to Potbelly sandwiches, glad that I ended my Potbelly strike in January, and I get a tuna sandwich. And they put cheese on it when I say no cheese, and that's fine I'll wait, but then I get to the counter and he says, as if the cheese was some tragedy, "Please miss, get a cookie if you want, this lunch is on us because we made a mistake." Which seems very silly to me but I again smile my tired zombie smile, and I resist the cookie.

And then, as if it couldn't get any better, I walk outside and they are handing out bottles of Vitamin Water on the streets of Silver Spring. I get my favorite, the lemonade with zinc, and feel, indeed, like one of the chosen.

Let's recap: free cab, free upgrade, free sandwich, free vitamin water. And tonight, half a free ticket for Fat Pig. And then half free Jack at Tunni's with the MB. Still looking like a zombie, yes, still feeling a bit like death, but the free stuff helps. Doesn't it always?