One is Silver, and the Other Gold

I am baffled by the fact that when I have “down time” things seem even crazier than when I am actually directing a show.

I think it’s because those are the times when I try to fit in all the things that I usually put at the bottom of my priority list while immersed in a show. It’s the understandable ebb and flow of it all—so laundry piles up, so the room gets messy, so be it.

What happens though, when those things you are putting off are friendships? I really don’t know. Will I lose friends? Yes, eventually, maybe. I guess it depends on how much my friends are willing to tolerate. I have resolved over and over again to be a better phone-caller, emailer, writer, texter. But I don’t know that this will ever change. Honestly. It’s something I am realizing lately. I will try, I will try, I will try to get back to people quickly, I will try to call/touch base/email/facebook on a regular basis, but the thing is, unless I sleep less I do not know when this will happen.

It makes me feel shitty, actually. I feel really shitty about it a lot of the time. And I am not putting this out there to make anyone else feel shitty about joking about this trait with me, or trying to martyr myself, or… what. What then am I doing? I guess I’m asking, how does anyone else find the time to fit all of this in? Giving the time that is required to keep all of your relationships healthy: the one with the capital R, plus family, plus professional relationships, also being able to pay the bills, and all the while maintaining friendships?

I fear I am failing. I know in some respects I am failing.

This is the email I got last week from “best friend” T. It was a follow up to a final “what’s up?” from me after she’d expressed anger at me in January for asking via email whether she’d had her baby yet (apparently I should have called instead) and then given me the silent treatment for two months.

"It's been quite a while that I've been unhappy with the friendship you seem interested in offering me. I wouldn't be surprised if you felt the same. I do not see any reason to elaborate, and I will not pursue further discussion of this. "

T and I were friends for twenty-five years. And yet, this should not come as a surprise. I’ve seen her do it to other people. But she didn’t know those other people for as long. I guess I believed I was important to her. That I was worth keeping around.

Clearly not.

Anyhow, that’s the question. Do people have a system for being a good friend? Is it some natural ability that I simply lack? Is there a way to fit more things into one day? What if I keep losing people like this?