Let's do it, Let's Fall in Love

Interesting article in the Times (link above) involving blogging and one of those ex-gay groups.

There was a brief period of time where there were ads for one of these groups all over the DC metro stations, in places where I hardly think the community was looking to be "reprogrammed", places like Dupont and Logan Circle where the gay community is out and open and happy. They disappeared eventually, probably heading off to lands where they might be better received like Southern Virginia and Tennessee.

I can't help but read stories like the one above, and wonder about the woman a "deprogrammed gay man" ends up married to. Do they tell their future wife that they went through this? Do they explain that they are innately attracted to men, but have made the decision to spend their life with a woman because they had "spent days listening to stories of the pain that homosexuality had caused *clients* and their families"?

I suspect that in another day and age I would have ended up married to one of my gay male friends years ago -- if I lived in a time before people were able or willing or even aware enough to come out at an early age -- because the fact is those are the relationships in my life that have lasted the longest and at times been the most fulfilling. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure of it.

Maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad thing...

No -- strike that -- it would have been bad. It would have been awful. Because how can you not resent the person you are with, when you are with them simply because they are the gender that you are "supposed" to be with? Not to diminish the very real love that can exist between a gay man and a straight woman (or vice versa). But it's friendship love. It is strong, and valid, but it is not what defines a sexually charged marriage (and goodness -- don't we all hope for a marriage that is sexually charged?) For a gay man or woman to have to convince themselves everyday that the feelings they feel are wrong, and that they are actually intimately attracted to their opposite-sex partner, god, I just think that the pressure of it would be horrific. For both partners. Because you know when someone is trying to muster up attraction to you, you just do.

And maybe self-discipline and sheer will can make these partnerships into "happy, healthy relationships" like these loonies in Tennessee would have us believe.

But I seriously doubt it.