Night Driving

As I said in the previous post, I’ve been feeling a bit out of touch. I couldn’t get onto email at all yesterday, and my weekend in DC (my last for two weeks) was, as usual, filled to bursting.

I drove myself back on Friday night, after rehearsal, which meant leaving around 10:30pm. My stage manager leant me her truck, which would have been great fun (yeah, an honest-to-goodness pick-up truck which could fulfill all of my wild-woman fantasies) except that I am an extremely nervous night driver. Because I have contacts, and my eyes are usually tired by sundown, I see halos around all of the bright lights. And I so rarely drive these days so I have become a rather nervous ANYTIME driver. I am sure this is instilling loads of confidence in anyone who might ever let me borrow their car…

Anyhow, I set out on the road, equipped with a red bull, a banana, a cd of Keane and Martin Sexton, and my scrawled out directions in a notepad. All was good and well – I went at my pace (which is never more than five miles over the speed limit, like I said – a nervous driver) recognized all of the exits I needed, until I got to the beltway around DC. Now, I knew the general name of my exit, but had also gotten spoken directions, so I wasn’t sure if what my navigator had told me the EXACT name of the exit. So, as DC is getting close, and I am seeing signs warning me for the exit, I guess I slowed down a bit. As soon as the desired exit came into view in the distance, I notice that there is a cop close behind me. A cop with its lights on. A cop flashing his lights. A cop trying to pull me over.

Shit.

I pull over, mere feet past the exit I was supposed to get off at, and he gets out of his car with the flashlight shining in my eyes.

Shit, shit.

I have never been pulled over. I don’t speed. Like I said – nervous driver. But now I am feeling all the things that one must feel when they are being pulled over. Is the plate expired? Is a taillight out? Did he notice when I had the interior light on a mile ago to check my directions?

He comes towards me.

“How you doing tonight ma’am?”

“Ummm, fine” (until you pulled me over asshole!)

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“Ummm, no” (is this a trick question?)

He looks at me with the directions clearly splayed out in my lap.


“I thought you might be lost. I was concerned. You were driving fifty on the beltway. No one drives fifty on the beltway.”

“Well, what’s the speed limit?”

“Fifty-five.”

The schmuck pulled me over for going five miles below the speed limit.

“Well, I wasn’t lost, but I may be now that you caused me to miss my exit.”

Dudley Do-right then explained to me two options of other exits to get off at, saw the look of confusion in my eyes, and offered to lead me to the one that would get me back on the beltway. We took off, and I lost him in an instant (bad night vision, remember?) At that point I just wanted to get off the friggin beltway, so I took the next exit, and nearly toppled the truck because I was so shaken and the turn off was so extreme.

Asshole.

Fortunately I know my way around once within DC limits, so I found my way home although I’d been taken well out of the way.

I think I may be the only person who has been pulled over on the beltway for going too slow.