"Single and Hoooorny"

I have had AOL since I was in high school (that's a long time ago). While AOL does, at times, bring with it some major frustrations, it has been a comfort to me to have a way that people can reach me that has not changed in ten years, since my phone numbers change all the time.

Several years ago I fell for a trick that someone used to get my password and hack into my account. I received an email that said something like "You have been sent a cupid note from your secret admirer. Follow this link to retrieve this message."

So, ummm, of course I did it (Secret admirer??!! What? Me?) and then when they asked for my password to verify that it was for me (well, I wouldn't want anyone else to get a secret love note meant for ME!) nothing happened. Ahh well, I figured, secrets don't make friends anyhow.

Well, several days later my AOL account was shut down. I called AOL in a panic when I realized this had happened -- everything was fine with the billing, so why now this freeze!? -- and they told me I had been spamming people with porn for several days. Or rather, my email account had. Sure enough, I opened my sent mailbox and the subject list was a mile long:
"Hot Asian Sluts Want to Talk to you..." and the like.

Oops.

I fixed things up with AOL, changed my password, and my account was restored.

But human vanity is an amazing thing.

A couple of years later, I got an email saying, "Someone has taken pictures of you! They would like you to retrieve them, follow this link..."

Well, you know the deal. Sure enough, within minutes I was spamming everybody about "Sexy Naked Co-eds Cumming to you Live from their Web-Cams..." You'd think I would have learned.

Anyhow, we fixed it up again, and only later did I learn from someone that in the process of being taken over by porn spammers, my profile had been changed. So my AOL member listing now reads:

Location: All over the internet
Marital Status: Single and hooorny
Hobbies & Interests: All of us girls are in college, and need cash
Favorite Gadgets: Webcam! Please signup at our site and we do whatever you want
Occupation: Gettin crazy online. Live for you. Get to know me
Personal Quote: We are becomin famous. You gotta try us out Right here Right now

People have mentioned it awkwardly a few time, "Ummm, S, you do know what it says on your profile, right...?" and I keep meaning to change it.

Truth be told though, it makes me sound so much more exciting than I really am.