Bright Spots

I am going through some stuff. I debated just leaving the blog alone for a while, because it seems dishonest to completely ignore the things that are going on in my life that I am not willing to write about, but at the same time, there are things in my life that I am just not willing to write about.

But since, for the most part, I keep my personal life out of this blog (except in cryptic, nonsensical posts that quote song lyrics) I will try to continue to do so, and write on.

It's been a rough two weeks.

Walking from the Metro to my work today, with a pit in my stomach the size of New Jersey and the lingering sense that my right hand or left kidney had been ripped out of my body, I could not help but experience the lightness and joy that comes with a beautiful fall day in our nation's capitol.

The weather today is no less than stunning. The sky peeks through the trees above, a breeze tickles the pedestrians streaming in and out of the Senate buildings and the Library of Congress, my bag was finally light -- not digging a groove into my shoulder since for once I wasn't carrying my laptop and three scripts in it -- and, almost in spite of myself, I smiled.

It reminded me of an exercise I used to do in my journal when I was eighteen and the world seemed much crueler and more difficult than it should be for an eighteen year-old. I had spent the year before not eating, and in my struggle to learn how to live and love life again, I started making these lists. Lists of things that made me smile.

Back then they included things like rainbow jimmies and Sark books and musical theater soundtracks and my highschool sweetheart's raven colored curls. Like I said, I was eighteen. And perhaps a rather young eighteen.

What would I put on those lists now?

Smile Incentives:

1. Sweeping the hardwood floors of my apartment.
2. Clean laundry that smells like fabric softener.
3. Sleeping on sheets made out of t-shirt material.
4. Realizing that my Ipod is charging (for a day it wouldn't, I panicked...)
5. So much music. This morning - Badly Drawn Boy. Last night - Kings of Convenience.
6. Beers last night with the lighting designer.
7. Jason Lott. Yeah, that's it. Jason Lott. Just knowing him makes me smile.
8. The baby panda. Of course, the baby panda.
9. Having a back up phone charger.
10. A haircut that has actually gotten better with time.
11. Being able to make it to the gym for the first time since the earth was cooling.
12. Randomly running into my stage manager from West Virginia and her sound designer fiance - both of whom I adore.
13. Chamomile tea.
14. A well made Cafe Americano.
15. A single changing leaf.
16. Loving someone, unconditionally, even after.
17. Breathing. Breathing is so useful.
18. Tuna melts. My ultimate comfort food.
19. The book I am reading. It feels like going back to an old friend each evening, already, even though I just started it three nights ago.
20. Friends who send me books, and who know me well enough to know that I will be moved and absorbed by said books.